Beautiful flowers on a Beautiful day

9 years have not dimmed the loss we feel for you each and every day

You are missed, loved and remembered more than you know

 by so many

memories of you bring me joy

each and every day...

I love you Natalie

10 indications that something has to change..

10. My laundry room is so full of junk and clutter, that I can barely see the washer and dryer. And that is not a exaggeration in the least..if you have seen my laundry room. (I am happy to report I used my "labor day" off...to clean and organize..and I found the washer and dryer!)
9. I have been living out of a suitcase traveling for work, more than living out of my closet.
8. My husband and I have literally been at home together at the same time only 5 times in the past 4 months. And that is not an exaggeration in the least.
7. Daily phone calls to my mother are down to about 2 a week since I've been in every time zone but her's, and when I think to call..she's been asleep for hours. Guilt has offically set in over this one.
6. Attended church on Sunday, didn't recognize half the ward. When introducing myself, they have lived here in my neighborhood for 3 months..and I've never seen them before. wow.
5. I have missed so many girlfriend lunches that Im on double secret probation and will have to re-introduce myself next time I see them
4. Woke up and realized it is September, and in my mind it's still April. Seriously have no idea where May-August went? Anyone?
3. I've forgotten how to grocery shop or cook because all I've done is eat on the road..but I've become expert at submitting an expense report, and know that I average $3 for breakfast, $7 for lunch and $12 for dinner. pretty good, eh?
2. I have read SO many trash magazines in airports that I know more about the stars lives and the FUGLY 2011 fall fashions than I care to admit. I can answer anything you want to know according to People, US, ELLE and Vogue. No Jennifer Aniston is not pregnant with twins, Kim Kardashian wants to have a honeymoon baby, and the "horse hoove"(sorry,this is the only description I can think of to describe them)shoes of the season are seriously the ugliest things around. period. And I will not wear them, thank you very much. my apologies if you love them.

1. But the biggest indicator and number one reason that something has to change is the fact that for the first time in 8 years...Natalie's grave has looked like this for a while now.. I simply have not been home to visit, or decorate.

This seriously has brought more sadness and guilt to me..

In 8 years Natalies grave has never been without a flower or a fabulous bow and a visit from me for longer than a week or two at the most.
So tonight..I took the time to add some flowers

and a fabulous bow

And sat and listened to the quiet

Enjoyed the moment to talk to Nat

Smiled at the cute flower I found..and hope stay's put for longer than a day

Then promised her...and myself, that change is coming and I will be around to visit and decorate with fabulous bows and cute flowers, to cook and clean... and I'll know more about my friends lives than the stars lives..I'll be home when Dad is home...
and I'll do it all in my favorite flats.

I "HEART" U

A Dream is wish your heart makes when your fast asleep..

My heart wishes you were here

I heart you natalie..

Happy Valentines day

What can I give you?

I've made my Christmas list. I love making my list and checking it off as I scurry around buying for everyone. Except {you} are painfully absent from my list of gift giving. I struggle with this "list" thing every year...as I write each persons name and what I'm going to give them, {your} name is absent. What do I give to you? ...to someone who I love so much, someone whom I loved shopping with, and shopping for...

Somehow decorating your grave doesn't seem like enough. I try to make it "fabulous"...I know you would like my big fufu loopie bows with streamers that flow in the wind...sparkly ribbons and accessories...but do you know that I want to buy you new clothes?.... cute things for your house?...a new piece to your village? a new cookbook?...a darling rose headband for your hair? {do you know these are popular right now?}...all these things and more I miss writing on a list next to your name..{which by the way means "Christmas"....}

What can I give you Natalie?.... I know it's not the ribbon or the sparkles, or the darling accessories...or even any monetary gift that can be purchased from a store, wrapped with a fabulous bow on it... ..a simple Christmas song reminded me of this with the same question asked of what to give The "baby" lying in a manger...the answer "I'll give Him my heart".

So I'll take a lesson from this and from the Grinch that Christmas comes without the packages and bows...it comes from the heart. Winnie the Pooh always has the best way of putting it..."If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever”

I'm going to add your name to my Christmas list..and next to it I will simply write ..."my heart".

Love you, miss you, Merry Christmas Natalie

Noah's Valentine

Noah always loves to take Mommy Natalie things for her grave.  He saw this heart while shopping with Gramma Sherie and wanted to take it to her to decorate for Valentine's Day.  I'm sure it's her favorite, buddy!