I remember going to work and thinking it felt like Fall...my very most favorite time of year...when the air is crisp, but not cold and it has a smell...a crisp fall smell...I LoVe Fall! I remember calling Natalie to see how everything was, how Noah was, and to do the usual Mom thing and make sure she was in bed, and not getting up....and to check if the Lovenox had come in or not. It hadn't...I was worried, and remember telling her, "We need to call somewhere else, and do SOMETHING because I just know the clot is getting bigger." Colby assured me that he had called and checked everywhere, and all was being done that could be done to get the Lovenox. Finally, around afternoon the Lovenox came in. Colby picked it up the second they called to let him know it was there.....
The baby...Natalie was worried about the health of the baby more than herself. She opened the package of Lovenox and got out all the papers and started reading the contradictions, the side effects, ALL of it, (there's that worry syndrome again). She called me at work to read to me the part that stated "do not take if pregnant".......I assured her that the Dr.'s know what they are doing and they wouldn't prescribe something that would harm the baby. She was so worried that it was going to harm the baby. I told her to call the Doctors office and express her concerns. She did, and never got past the nurse who expressed to her that taking Lovenox while pregnant was completely safe. She called me again, at work, to tell me what the nurse had told her. She didn't like the answer and was upset, crying...still so worried about the baby. I told her that she was in charge of her own body and if she felt that strongly about it to call the Doctors office again and tell them her concerns.
She called me again. I remember it being around 2:00 or so in the afternoon...she was still upset, worried about the baby, and she said through tears "I'll just do it, but I don't want to. I just don't want to.".....if there is one thing that replays in my mind, to this day, it is the fact that she knew something was wrong...
My phone rang at work perhaps 5 -6 minutes after hanging up from that last conversation with Natalie --this time it was Colby. In a panicked voice--"Sherie, Natalie passed out!"....Me: "What do you mean she passed out?"--- Colby: "We were lying on the bed together, and she passed out!"----Me: "Is she still out?"---"YES" -"Colby call 911"-- "I already did. Please hurry, please come here"-- "I'm on my way"--
I ran to my car and started on my way. I remember thinking, "Should I go to the hospital and meet them there, or should I go to their house?"..."to their house", was my first thought. I started praying...no pleading..."Please Heavenly Father, let her be alright"...and while I was pleading....I stopped pleading...and my prayer changed to "Please Heavenly Father, whatever thy will is....help us to handle whatever it is"... I knew that this something was much worse than "passing out"... just as I knew...she was a girl...before I ever met her.
I saw a firetruck, ambulance, and police car, all in front of Colby and Natalie's darling home. I ran in....to find Colby standing there, holding Noah... I saw a huddle of EMT's around Natalie on the floor...It was quiet---one of them looked at me. I remember the look on his face was one of despair....I remember that there didn't seem to be a feeling of rushing to get her out of there. They were quietly working on Natalie...the officer wouldn't allow me to go closer---then they put Natalie on a stretcher, and started to wheel her out...they remained completely circled around her...I could see nothing but her feet... they were blue. I remember seeing her blue feet and thinking --she is already gone. I knew it.
I took Noah from Colby and told him to go with her in the ambulance, and I would be right behind him. He didn't have a shirt on--"Colby, you need to put a shirt on"..they were gone -- but no sirens, I don't remember them using the sirens... I stood there for a second in the house, in shock, not knowing what to do first, and right then Kent walked in the front door -- he had fear in his eyes--everything had happened so quickly that neither Colby or I had called Kent. He had no idea what had happened or what was going on, he said he just had a feeling that he needed to go to Natalie's house, and he came. I said, "She's on her way to the hospital, she's unconscious."
When they put us in a "quiet room" and assigned us a social worker, I was mad. I didn't want to go a "quiet room"--I knew why we were being taken there--this was bad, and this was serious. There we were, our family, Colby's family, Colby and Noah waiting for someone to come to talk to us. It seemed like forever--
Natalie returned home that day...back to her Heavenly Father, beyond the veil.
Life will never be the same without Natalie here with us. But how thankful we are that we were lucky enough to have her here for 23 incredible years. What a blessing Noah is to all of us. We see her in him. You look in his eyes and feel almost as if you are looking into hers. He is a gift that reminds us everyday, how precious life is. Where is Heaven? Not very far, for we sense Natalie close by each and every day. Not a day goes by that something does not remind me of her...what a gift that is...it brings me joy and I smile. We do not question why she was taken from all of us here in our mortal existence. We know that it was her time and that it is all part of our Heavenly Father's plan. We simply know that she was needed there more.
It is my hope that you will find joy in what we post on this blog....Natalie's blog...if she were here she would have so much fun with this blogging world. So between Stefanie, Melanie and myself...we will do it for her.
Forever, I love the word. I know that we will be together forever, that Natalie is ours forever. I know that Natalie, Colby and Noah are a forever family.
Here is NOW and there is FOREVER....we are living for "now" and we are living so that we will be together forever---until that day, we continue to love you Natalie.
4 comments:
She was such a pretty bride and the day was beautiful! I remember it so well. Knowing that families are forever is the best thing! We can't wait to see you this weekend!
Love, Sarah
PS: Did you get your $1.00 bags I shipped?
I love the poem! Happy Anniversary to them!!
Wow! You guys have done an amazing job with this blog. Sherie I want you to know how much I look up to you and admire you. I know that I was supposed to be your visiting teacher when Natalie passed away. I have never been a faithful visiting teacher until I was assigned you. I didn't know why at the time and now I do. Even though our circumstances were so different when I found out that Natalie had passed away I knew that I had been assigned to you for a reason. A mother who could relate to a passing of a child. I remember bringing over dinner to your house and the second I walked into your door little Noah walked over to me and wanted me to pick him up. As I was holding him the tears welled in my eyes because I know that Natalie would miss holding him as much as I had been missing holding my little Bodee. I remember saying in my head, "Hold him for me Natalie, hold my baby while I hold yours."
I have never forgotten that experience. I few months ago I bore my testimony in church on the experience of being your visiting teacher and how since then again I
hadn't been a very good one. I wanted to get back into the habit. I had been thinking about you a lot. Every time I go to visit Bodee's grave I look at Natalie's and see all the cute things that you guys have put on it. Then what do you know, you move into my ward, you are put into the Relief Society Presidency and I am put on your enrichment committee. The circle just keeps going. I too never want to be too far from the cemetery. Thank you for being such an amazing example to me. I am so excited to be in your presence once again. Sorry this is so long.
Dana Ross
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